


unWanted

by levihartford



Category: 13 Reasons Why (TV)
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, Depression, Drama, Drugs, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Multi, Psychological Drama, References to Drugs, Rehabilitation, Sad, Suicide, Teen Angst, Teenage Drama, Teenagers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-30
Updated: 2019-09-29
Packaged: 2020-09-28 17:08:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,370
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20429477
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/levihartford/pseuds/levihartford
Summary: After years of abuse and being outcasted by his mom, Justin Foley a 17-year-old boy gets what he wanted the most, a family. A feeling of home.However, it isn't all picture-perfect, far from it... Justin still struggles to overcome his drug addiction and he is now trying to re-discover who he really is. Addiction is a constant battle against something that feels like a natural urge. This story depicts the struggles and blisses of the journey to self-discovery and battling drug addiction.WARNING: This book may include depictions of mature themes related to mental health and NSFW material.PSA: I am new to website so I don't know how some stuff works yet so please be patient with me!(13 Reasons Why AU)





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I just wanna say that I do NOT stand up nor do I support incest in any way (even though they are "step-brothers" in the process of adoption). This is a fictional work. If the story continues I will influence myself now over the third season of 13 Reasons Why. However, it will be more of a "revamped" version with different events. Also, the whole adoption process with Justin and Clay will NOT happen in the AU. In this story, they're just living together and the Jensens are harboring/supporting Justin like a son but they are not adopting him.
> 
> (With critiques, please just be constructive, I'm well aware I'm a really REALLY amateur writer but I'm trying to learn!)
> 
> Chapter 1 - Drugs are dangerous

I know that drugs are dangerous. Even then, they feel like the only remedy for my shattered heart. It's not a healthy way to deal with my problems. It's just the way that I can right now. Since Clay found the oxies, I have been feeling ashamed. The Jensens gave me what I never had and what did I give them in exchange? Disappointment. At the time it feels like this is all I can do, disappoint the people that I love.

They don't feel that way, I know that but I can't help feeling like I'm messing up. I always mess up everything, even if there isn't much good left in my life. I'm just thinking about the crowding thoughts in my mind. If I give each one of them space maybe they won't occupy as much.

I shouldn't feel bad for Bryce but besides him being a total scumbag of a human being he was there for me when I didn't have anyone. Even besides that, maybe he deserved a chance. Not for anyone to forget what he had done but forgiving him and accepting that he wanted to change. Jessica gave me a chance. Everyone did. Clay and the Jensens gave me multiple chances due to my problem with addiction. They didn't give up on me. I am grateful for the opportunities I have to become a better person. That's what kills me because so many believe in me but I don't.

Rambling at 4 AM is the best thing that leads us nowhere. I'm just sitting on the kitchen floor. It's cold and now it feels like the best place to sit, even though, we're literally in the middle of fall. As I got up, I stumbled a little from the sleepiness. Kept my darkness awake so that the high didn't take over me. On my way to bed, I bumped onto the kitchen table, making the vase on top of it fall.

I dashed to the side as I let out a loud "SHIT". Immediately covered my mouth as I had forgotten that Clay was asleep. His protective nature overcame sleep time. He got up and sat on his bed. Squinting his eyes hard and rubbing them.

"I'm so so sorry Clay I didn't mean to-"

"What happened?". Clay asked as he interrupted me.

"I kinda... broke the vase". I replied in an appealing voice as I looked at him.

"Kinda is an understatement, it's all broken to pieces". He exhaled as he looked at the ground followed by "Watch your feet so you don't cut yourself"

"I'm really sorry for waking you up and breaking the vase your mom offered us"

"Dude, stop making puppy eyes, they don't work on me". Clay said as he let out a giggle of shame.

"They sometimes do work" I replied, letting out a smirk.

"Oh God, please stop making references to yours and Jessica's sex life"

We both started laughing as I continued my now very prolonged walk to bed. "Urgh" I let out as I groaned in pain. "Fuck" - I sat on the bed and looked at my foot, covered in blood. It hurt so much that I felt like I was gonna pass out.

"Just stay there and keep pressure" Clay ordered me as he threw a towel. I pressured the white towel against the bottom of my foot, soaking it red.

"What did I just tell you... you're such a dummy sometimes" Clay argued as he opened the first aid kit. "It's just a small piece of vase, hold on" he said as he reached his hand for mine.

"Why the hell are you giving me your hand" Confusedly I asked.

"For you to squeeze, it's gonna hurt as I pull it out"

"WAIT YOU'RE GONNA DO WHA-"

I squeezed as hard as I could. I felt like I was holding on for dear life as I could feel the sharp piece of vase rip through my skin. After disinfecting the wound, Clay wrapped a bandage over my foot. A little awkward, you know, having a boy taking care of me. However, we had been living for a while now so it wasn't that much of a nuisance.

"All done! Either way, what were you doing up so late? I know we don't have school tomorrow but that's kinda out of character"

"I was just..."

"Don't tell me you were using again, you weren't, were you?" I saw Clay's eyes get agitated as he asked it with a disturbingly concerned tone of voice.

"I wasn't I swear to you I wasn't..."

"Then what were you doing?"

"I was keeping my thoughts awake so I didn't have to shoot it up" I said as my eyes filled with tears. The sleepiness and emotions were taking over. I held them inside as I didn't want them to flow out and annoy Clay more than I had already.

"It's nothing, I was just going to bed either way"

I instantly got to bed and faced the wall, pulling the blankets over me in a hurried way. It's not that I'm afraid of showing emotion. I'm just afraid of showing what goes on inside my brain. Fiddling with the end of the sheets while the blanket was on top of me. Maybe it's a habit I picked off after being taken off the streets. Being used to such harsh conditions and then a cozy home makes me wanna be the coziest I can ever be at all times.

As I once again held my soul on a tight noose of sorrow, I felt hands with a warm, welcoming feeling touching my shoulder. I did not turn away as I'm easily embarrassed and knew it was Clay.

"Sorry for jumping to assumptions." He expressed as he now put his hand on my hair and brushed it in-between his fingers.

"You know I hate cheesy stuff right?" I replied as I pulled the covers closer to my mouth out of shyness.

"I know, that's why I love doing this" 

"Well, goodnight" As he left me with a gentle pat on the head.


	2. Trails Away

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all the support on the first chapter! I'm gonna leave some more notes at the end!

Humans are pieces of art. Precisely not because we're perfect but because we're flawed. When you look at a painting more and more you will each time see a new "flaw" or something that you enjoy. Imperfection is part of an artist's interpretation of reality since all artistic work is subjective. In my eyes, someone can be perfect but in others, they may seem like an error of a person.

At times, most of them, I feel like the latter. Every time I take an introspective into my life I see more and more mistakes that I have made. Decisions that were corrupted by a blurred mind.

"Hi," Clay said as he interrupted my train of thoughts.

"Hi," I replied, "What time is it?"

"Right now, it's 10 AM"

"I think I'm gonna sleep a little longer" I argued with a raspy, waking voice.

"Fine, I guess"

The few times I wanna stay awake, and take joy in it, is when Jessica or Clay are in the picture. They make the pain bearable. My hurt is more painful whenever I'm alone or with people I don't trust.

"Actually, on a second thought, do you wanna go out?"

"Where?" I asked perplexed as to where he would want to possibly go to so early.

"I have no idea, maybe the cafe?"

"I have a better idea. Since I can't go to the training today because of my foot so, why don't we go for a hike?" Enthusiastically I purposed. Expecting a rejection since Clay isn't the most athletic-fanatic of people, quite the opposite.

"You know what? A hike would actually do me some good, I feel like I need to take a breath away from this godforsaken town"

So it was set. We were going on a hike. Distancing yourself hurts others, and yourself the most. Walking away is for the cowards or those who want to avoid conflict. Taking a trip is for those who don't wanna give up. Bad trips happen when drugs are involved. When you have someone who is better than comfort, then you know that's what home is supposed to feel like.

We ate breakfast together at home, as usual. Then we headed for the car. It had rained the previous night. The beautiful smell coming from the wet dirt and grass pleased my awakening. Hearing, smelling, and essentially feeling Earth is one of those moments that brings forth something primal. A sentiment of deep gratitude for it all. Not many people think that I put a lot of thought into things as much as I do.

My foot was still aching from the pain. However, just sitting around doing nothing wouldn't do much for me either. I sat in the backseat as it would take some time, and I wanted to try and sleep a little before arriving at the forest. Adjusting myself to be as comfortable as possible in a place that wasn't made for sleep. Clay was taking a little longer than usual to just...drive.

"Are you gonna drive or what?" I asked

"Belt."

"What?"

"Put on the belt or I won't drive" he demanded.

"You could've told me earlier" I argued as I put on the seat belt.

It didn't take long for me to fall asleep. I hadn't slept much, and whatever much I slept was disturbed by the messed up crap that kept me awake hours before. Sleeping is much like taking drugs or drinking but without the problems. You go to sleep, and then you wake up. A touch on my arm.

"Justin, wake up," Clay said as I struggled to get my eyes open.

"Are we there yet?"

"Yeah"

Leaving the car was the best part of the trip as I could now freely stretch out of a tiny sized metal box. I turned my phone on so I could check the time and it was already 1 PM. There was also a message with a photo attached. Jessica had sent me a picture of her with the caption "Hope you have a good hike, love you!". For a second I was a bit confused as I had not told her that I was going on a hike. I turn to Clay and questioned it.

"Did you tell Jessica we were going out?"

"Yes"

"Why?"

"She's your girlfriend, and I don't want her to freak out if she came around and didn't see you," Clay said "You know she loves you a lot, you got a good one"

"I know"

Clay looked at his feet, and for a second his eyes didn't live. They were straggling in the dark depths of his mind. Trying to find Hannah but the picture of her seemed long gone. Trauma does that to you sometimes. First, you remember a lot, and then it all gets pushed to the back of your mind. But it's always there like an annoying leech that you can't remove, forever bothering you. I'm not the best at dealing with emotional situations.

"You have me too," I said as I lightly tapped his shoulder and grinned at him

"Oh, shut up" He replied as he let a smile escape "I know that, thank you"

We started to walk. The trails were not massively worn out. We were following some "off-trails" that aren't usually used by many people. It's better to know that a place is safe but hasn't been walked around much. I don't know why, but it just feels like it kills the whole purpose... You know, going to nature to escape the concrete jungle we live in just to come around more man-made infrastructures.

The pathways appeared fairly clean so deer and other animals must have roamed there quite a lot before. The deer's around here must have been far off because of the rain. They get scared because during periods of heavy rain their senses are a bit debilitated. When you are the prey there is no time to wander off, only to flight or fight.

Whenever I'm with Clay, it's mostly peaceful. Sometimes we can get real quiet around each other. That's a good thing to contrary belief. When you can be with someone in complete silence and not be annoyed or feel awkward, then you know that person matters. All of us mostly enjoy the feeling of other people but not other people. I can whole heartily say that I'm forever thankful to Clay and will forever love him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! I know that a lot of you (at least I assume) are still students. If you started school this week or you're starting next week just know that you're gonna be okay. It's okay to struggle and to feel anxious, it's completely normal and everyone feels it. You are not alone


	3. Unfortunately, no update today!

Hey everyone! I hope you're having a great day and that you had a great week! So, like many of you, I'm starting school again on monday. *bursts into tears*. That means I have to get something ready and tidy up my room and everything gets stressful near school time, especially when you're about to be a senior. I deeply apologize for there not being any updates this week but I will compensate you! I hope that you have a good school year, work hard, drink your water!! Don't get into any drama because it's not worth it and focus on your mental health. If you need help from an adult you trust, ask them. There is no shame in asking for help.

With that said, I know this is annoying but if you enjoy my work leave a kudos or comment on a chapter! It helps a lot since I know that people are enjoying it! 

Stay Alive, Levi.


	4. No more updates... At least for now.

I started out this work in 2017 on another website. After six chapters I eventually gave up on it. With the new season, I got inspired to write for 13 Reasons Why again but it was a mistake. Don't get me wrong, I still love writing but I think that fanfiction just completely kills my creativity. I can't do any "world-building" I have to base myself off of previous things and events that have happened in the series otherwise it wouldn't be fanfiction and just a plagiarized work. I doubt that anyone will get mad or even read this but if you're one of those 1% that enjoys this, I'm sorry.


End file.
